Pernah nggak, ada kejadian ketika anda sebenarnya nyasar tapi berlagak tahu dan merasa sperti "deja vu"---merasa sudah pernah melalui jalan tersebut dan tahu bahwa ini adalah jalan yang benar?
"I'm not lost."
Berkali-kali anda akan berkata begitu. Kemudian rasa ragu datang, merayap di kaki, pinggang, tangan, dada, lalu mencekik leher seraya panik datang. "What was I doing???"
That's what I'm going through these days. I feel like hiking a mountain. Beautiful mountain, really. I hike like a good girl, brave and gracious. I reach the peak just before New Year Eve, which is great. Well, you can brag along your luck about how great your year ends right? Like "Hey, I have my year great and I'm sure my 2015 will be great as well!". I finally have my job--a great, great job if I may add--with nice salary and all. I have choir service--which is the best thing of my year. And finally I have a boyfriend, a good boyfriend.
Why should I worry? For me, this already perfect. But then when I'm about to go down the mountain, I'm not sure if this is the best. Is this good? Is God want me this way?
I start to lost my courage, but still I don't like to say "I'm lost."
Keraguan.
Benarkah pekerjaan ini yang gue mau? Padahal nggak ada secuil pun passion gue disitu. Tapi gue bisa hidup nyaman dan settle disana. Tapi sekali lagi... benarkah ini pekerjaan yang Tuhan mau?
Benarkah pelayanan ini yang Tuhan mau? Atau Dia cuma mau menunjukkan kalau gue bisa pakai suara gue untuk melayani, tapi bukan di choir yang ini?
Benarkah dia yang Tuhan mau untuk gue? Atau ternyata itu cuma keegoisan gue semata? Ataukah ini semua cuma kesalahan. Is it gonna be forever or is it gonna down in flame?
I'm not sure about all these stuff. What should I do God?
I'm lost.....
